Event Planning
A comprehensive list of important details in planning your child’s bar/bat mitzvah.
Scheduling
You may call the Membership Office to schedule your service any time after the Labor Day when your child enters third grade. Select a prospective date and time, or have a few dates in mind if you are flexible. Consider recommendations from your child’s secular school; some schools may work to assure that students will not have conflicting service dates and times.
Shortly after selecting a date, you will receive a contract laying out the payment schedule and other details, as well as a document describing musical service options for the afternoon and evening services. Please return the signed contract along with a $1,000 booking fee within 30 days to officially secure your date and time.
Your child must be continuously enrolled in our Religious School in order to confirm and maintain a date.
Options for Consideration
At Emanu-El, we strive to provide each family with a meaningful and personal Bar/Bat Mitzvah experience. Each child at Temple Emanu-El has their own individual service, and we offer options to further personalize the ceremony.
The differences between morning and afternoon or evening services at Emanu-El:
| Service Type | Time | Location | Torah | Music | Media |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Morning Service (open to the community) | 10:30 AM | Fifth Avenue Sanctuary | Torah and Haftarah are read | Classical service (Includes choir and organ at no charge) | Livestream/Video and video services included |
| Afternoon or Evening Service (private) | 12:30 PM or 5:00 PM | Fifth Avenue Sanctuary or Beth-El Chapel | Torah is read, but not Haftarah | Contemporary and classical service options available depending on time and location (at an additional cost) | Livestream/Video available at an additional cost |
The Year Prior to Becoming a Bar or Bat Mitzvah
About 15 months before your child’s Bar or Bat Mitzvah, our B’nei Mitzvah coordinator will reach out to schedule an introductory meeting with a member of our clergy. The B’nei Mitzvah-to-be and at least one parent must attend. The rabbi or cantor you meet with at this time may or may not be the clergy who officiates during the Bar or Bat Mitzvah.
During the year of preparation, the student and at least one parent are expected to attend three B’nei Mitzvah seminars taught by our clergy. An important goal of the seminars is to examine the ritual of B’nei Mitzvah holistically: To learn what creates a Shabbat worship experience, what it means to become a Bar or Bat Mitzvah, and to discuss the Jewish values that inform our religious identity. The first session will guide the families through the service and will serve as an introduction to the tutoring process. At the second, the student will begin writing a d’var Torah (which literally means “word of Torah” and is also known as the “sermon”). At the final session, all students will have the opportunity to practice their sermons from the bimah.
After attending the first seminar, your child will begin the nine-month-long tutoring process. They will attend 60 minutes of group tutoring once a week for six months. This program will then culminate in three months of one-to-one 20-minute tutoring meetings with our cantors. At the completion of these meetings, all students will meet with our clergy for three final rehearsals.
Fees
| Within 30 days of the booking date | $1,000 – Deposit returned with a signed contract |
| 1 year prior to the scheduled date | $1,325 – Balance of Bar/Bat mitzvah fees billed
Consider whether you wish to host a Kiddush after your child’s ceremony (for morning/afternoon services only) $1,000 – 50% of the group tutoring fee, billed when tutoring begins Four months after group tutoring begins, $1,000 (the remaining 50% of the group tutoring fee) will be billed |
| 3 months prior to the scheduled date | Balance of membership dues, Religious School tuition, and Bar/Bat mitzvah fees due
$450-$2,200 – Music package add-on fee billed (for afternoon/evening services only) $400 – Livestream/video fee billed (for afternoon/evening services only) |
| 1 month prior to the scheduled date | Balance of music package and livestream/video fees due
Balance of Kiddush fees due |
- Membership dues and all fees, including Religious School tuition, must be paid in full three months prior to the Bar/Bat Mitzvah date.
- Any child becoming bar or bat mitzvah at Congregation Emanu-El must be continuously enrolled in the Religious School in order to confirm and maintain a date.
- The Bar/Bat Mitzvah fee includes the Friday Night Oneg Shabbat reception, which follows the Friday Shabbat Service on the evening before your child becomes a bar or bat mitzvah. Your family will be honored at this service, and our clergy looks forward to celebrating with you then.
Timeline
The years leading up to the Bar/Bat Mitzvah
Pre-K – 2nd Grade
• Enroll child in Religious School
• Attend family programs, holiday celebrations, and worship services
• Get to know our clergy and other families
3rd Grade
• Attend a B’nei Mitzvah information session
• NEW: A date for a Bar or Bat Mitzvah service may be scheduled beginning in 3rd grade for students enrolled in our Religious School. To do so, please contact the membership department at (212) 507-9515 or
• Once you have scheduled a date, return the signed contract along with the $1,000 booking fee within 30 days to secure your date
4th Grade
• Attend a B’nei Mitzvah information session if you have not already done so
• You can also book service dates in 4th Grade. to do so, please contact the membership department at (212) 507-9515 or
• Once you have scheduled, return the signed contract along with the $1,000 booking fee within 30 days to secure your date
5th and 6th Grade
• Attend both the 5th/6th Grade B’nei Mitzvah Mini-Retreats
• Participate in a Shabbat Morning worship service at Temple Emanu-El (at least once)
• Be a Friday night Shabbat Greeter (contact the Membership Office to learn more and sign up)
• Begin attending seminars and tutoring sessions in 6th grade
The year prior to becoming Bar/Bat Mitzvah
1 year prior
• Meet with Rabbi Amy Ehrlich to receive your child’s Torah portion and formally begin the B’nai Mitzvah process as a family
9 Months Prior
• Select your tutor based on recommendations from Rabbi Amy Ehrlich and begin working together, continue for the coming months
6 Months Prior
• Begin meeting monthly with a cantor for “check-ins” on your child’s progress
3 Months Prior
• Finalize musical service and livestreaming options (for the 12:30 and 5:00 PM services only)
6 Weeks Prior
• Meet with the Rabbi who will officiate your child’s service
4 Weeks Prior
• Begin weekly meetings with the rabbi or cantor to rehearse in the Fifth Avenue Sanctuary or Beth-El Chapel
Friday Night Prior
• Join us for Shabbat Services as your family is honored at the Oneg Shabbat
Day of the Service
• Child is called to the Torah as a Bar/Bat Mitzvah
Beyond Bar/Bat Mitzvah
• Stay involved in our Emanu-El community through volunteering, learning, and worship
FAQs
Q: Should I choose the Fifth Avenue Sanctuary or Beth-El Chapel? Which one is better for my child?
At Temple Emanu-El, we offer two spaces where your child may become a Bar/Bat Mitzvah. The morning service always takes place in the Fifth Avenue Sanctuary, while the afternoon and evening services may take place in either the Fifth Avenue Sanctuary or the Beth-El Chapel.
The main difference between the two sanctuaries is the size, so your choice may depend on how many people are attending your child’s service, or how comfortable your child feels speaking in a large room. The Fifth Avenue Sanctuary seats 2,400 people, and the Beth-El Chapel seats approximately 250 people. You and your child are most welcome to come in and view both spaces. Please contact the Membership Office to set up a time.
Fifth Avenue Sanctuary
Beth-El Chapel
Q: Will my child read from the Torah at an afternoon or evening service? What about Haftarah?
Torah is read at all B’nei Mitzvah services. Haftarah is read in the morning, but not during afternoon or evening services. A Havdalah ceremony can be included as part of the evening service.
